Last week was the 9 year anniversary of losing Abbie. We spent the day reflecting on her life, the last 9 years without her, wondering what she would be like at 16...Time does heal in so many ways, but we still miss her so much. At dinner we all went around sharing memories of Abbie-Lou. Dustin and Nathan both have good memories of playing in the woods in Louisiana, running around the pond, climbing in the treehouse...sadly, Ethan has no memory of her. Which makes me sad because she loved him so much.

She was sure from the moment I told her I was pregnant that it was a boy and from then on she called him "Baby Bob"! When she came with Dustin and Nathan to meet Ethan for the first time in the hospital she just knew we would be taking him home that moment. You can't imagine the howling from all three of them when the nurse took their brother away! The first night we did bring Ethan home, she jumped up beside me to look at him and proceeded to poke him with her toy, bow and arrow, which made him cry, which made her cry and I just decided to cry too! Wondering how I was going to handle 3 1/2 year old triplets with a newborn. Ethan's crib was in Abbie's room and when people would ask her how she liked having a new brother she commented, "He cries a LOT!" I think back to her funeral and how small he was, he slept through the entire service in the back in Aunt Lola's lap.

Mark misses her giggle the most. He misses his sweetheart very much and it is painful for him to even verbalize it. I hold the memories of her sitting in his lap during church close. Nathan seems to have an even harder time talking about Abbie. Most of the time we were reminiscing, he was bending over fiddling with his shoes. I remember about a month after she died we were all huddled on the boys' bunkbed talking and praying together. Mark started crying and Nathan FINALLY cried some saying, "Is it really okay for men to cry?"

I miss her spunkiness, her looking over her glasses at me, her little, tiny, bottom. I miss her hugs. I miss having a girl around the house. I had a dream about 2 weeks ago and Abbie was still with us, about 2 years old-I got to hear her giggle again and give her some really tight hugs. What a gift that was to me, I haven't dreamed of her in some time. I did dream once in Virginia that she came and visited me from heaven and she said, "Mom, you know I don't want to come back and I will see you again before you know it." That brought me much comfort.

I listened to a sermon not long ago on sorrow. Do you know what the only man-made thing will be in heaven? Jesus' scars. I had never thought of that before. He is well acquainted with our sorrow, our pain, our grief. Remember when Thomas doubted until he touched Jesus' scars and then he believed? I have emotional scars from losing Abbie but I pray that my scars will point others to Christ. That others will see His grace is sufficient, He IS enough. That God will receive glory because of our scars. Oh, let it be so!

Thank you to those that wrote, prayed for us, and remember with us every year. I couldn't have made it without you all. Much love.